Chaperoning Teens in "A Very Honest and Safe Country"

By Nodelyn Lago Smith
​
While walking through one of the many sites we visited in Japan, one of our exchange students asked me ‘Who’s parent are you?’ I replied that my kids are all grown up with families of their own.  I am a member of Neighbors Abroad and I wanted to support the Tsuchiura/Palo Alto student exchange program by volunteering to be a chaperone. This was also my first time in Japan. Last March, sixteen students from Tsuchiuria, Japan traveled to Palo Alto and homestayed with their Palo Alto host brothers and sisters. In June, these sixteen Palo Alto host brothers and sisters traveled to Tsuchiuria to visit their Japanese ‘buddies’.  There were four chaperones on this trip: the VP of Tsuchiura for Neighbors Abroad, Evelyn Shimazaki; a parent of one of the students, Songli Wang;  myself and my husband Doug. The Tsuchiura/Palo Alto student exchange program is over 30 years old and required hard work and dedication from the committees in Palo Alto and Tsuchiura. It became apparent to me that this student exchange impacts the entire community of Tsuchiura and the city makes every effort to make the experience as memorable as possible for our students and chaperones.

As a new student exchange chaperone some things I anticipated might happen but hoped wouldn’t happen, did happen. For example, our group experienced a lost passport, a lost wallet, even a lost student, who really wasn’t lost but at one time texted to the group, ‘Hey, where is everybody?’ Japan is a very honest and safe country, so the passport and wallet were returned quickly when found by others and each of the students had their phones, so communication was always an easy task.

We chaperoned the students through Himeji Castle, Fushimi Inari Taisha Shrine, Tokugawa Shrine, and the Shinkyo Bridge to name a few. With each location, one of our students gave a presentation and overview of the history of the location. Even though we had a guide in Himeji Castle and in Kyoto, it was still nice to listen to our students’ version of what they felt was interesting about the site. The presentations were brief and most often given while the student was reading from their phone, but it was a nice way to get an introduction and a good opportunity for some independent research. The other students also showed their support by applauding with positive comments afterwards. ‘Good job!’ 

When we arrived in Tsuchiura we were met by the parents and city staff at the Welcome Ceremony at City Hall. The head of the Tsuchiura International Association Board, Mr. Noriyuki Aoki, spoke and welcomed us with kind words. A translator was used so every speech was paused after a few sentences in order for the translator to translate. One sentence especially struck me since I love to garden was ‘You will try our sweet potatoes’, or something to that effect. Did I miss something in translation? Did he just say ‘sweet potatoes’? Sure enough, inside the welcome gift bags given to us and the students was a wrapped cooked sweet potato from a local company called Kaitsuka. It was the sweetest sweet potato I have ever eaten. Not surprisingly everyone, including the students asked, ‘Can we bring sweet potatoes home? Will U.S. customs allow us?’ Luckily, the sweet potatoes are cooked and packaged, and yes, it was ok to bring them back and many of us did. We were excited to share this newly discovered Tsuchiura delicacy with our families back home. Gift-giving is part of Japanese culture and is called ‘Omiyage’ in Japanese. This was one of the many cultural lessons learned by our students. Each of our students had to pack omiyage for their host families before departing for Japan. 

Another cultural lesson we learned in Japan, is to not eat and walk at the same time. This is considered impolite in Japanese culture. When we visited the vast colorful Nishiki Market with its many food stalls, we saw signs everywhere saying you must eat the food in front of the stall where it was purchased. In Kyoto, we enjoyed ice cream and ate it in front of the store, even though Kyoto had a charming street with many interesting places to window shop. I never realized how our students felt about this restriction, until 10 days later, when we returned to SFO and immediately after arriving, one of the students exclaimed ‘Yes! Now we can eat and walk!’ 

One of my favorite parts of the trip was meeting with the host families in their homes and seeing our students interact with their buddies.  Chaperones were hosted on several nights by several families for dinner.  At our first family dinner, we learned how to make takoyaki, or octopus balls, which are minced octopus cooked in a savory batter made in a special pan that looks similar to a muffin pan except the indentations are half spheres the size of golfballs. You add various toppings on the batter as you delicately turn it over and over in the pan using toothpicks. In the end the batter cooks into a complete sphere - takoyaki! A new experience for all of us. After dinner, our host family and their children along with our Palo Alto student and neighborhood kids lit sparklers in the open area outside. I learned later that Tsuchiura holds a national fireworks competition every November, one of the largest in Japan. It was a festive celebratory ending to our first night in Tsuchiura. 

At another dinner, we were guests in a traditional Japanese style home built by family members long ago. We were greeted by the host family and their extended family with both sets of grandparents present. We were seated on the floor on tatami mats and pillows provided for extra comfort. One of the grandmothers told us in her spiritied English/Japanese and animated hand gestures, about her trip to the U.S. as a young woman and that she attended a concert by Paul Anka.  She proceeded to sing a couple verses of Paul Anka’s iconic song ‘Put your Head on my Shoulder’. I’m a Paul Anka fan myself and knew the song and so sang it with her at the table as she sat folded knees next to me. The entire dinner party smiled. Song and music has a magical way of getting people to smile together. She was happy to see us, happy to share her beautiful home, happy to offer us a feast of delicious food. She was very thankful and appreciative to Neighbors Abroad for the wonderful experience her granddaughter had last March in Palo Alto. We appreciated her and her family and their incredible hospitality.  

At another host family, we had a BBQ dinner outside with a view of their lovely garden. The traditional Japanese house was built by family members generations ago with beautiful dark kawara clay roof tiles with their curved wavy element reminiscent of a natural landscape. This type of roof has been an integral part of Japanese architecture and culture for centuries. The garden was lovingly maintained by the grandfather with trees artistically pruned to look like giant bonzai trees. The grandfather offered the chaperones a taste of his favorite sake which we found to be very smooth and one of the best sakes we ever had. After dinner, we watched our student and their buddy enjoy lighting sparklers on the long driveway beside the garden. 

Chaperones also had dinners and meetings with the Tsuchiura International Association’s current and former members. At our dinner with the current President, Mr. Noriyuki Aoki, we were served the best wagyu beef and other meats cooked on a grill built into the center of the table. At another dinner at the former association president, Yuko Fujita’s home, we were served the most delicious lamb chops. Ms Fujita is a gourmet cook and has written a cookbook which thankfully included the recipe for these lamb chops. 

One day, while our students were in class, the chaperones toured the Shibanuma Soy Sauce Factory in Tsuchiura which was founded in 1688.  The Shibanuma company has been owned by the same family since it began and we had the privilege of  a private tour by the 17th generation owner. He told us the company’s history as we toured the factory and store room that held the fermenting soybeans in large 20 ft tall handmade wooden barrels. These barrels were made without nails and can last for decades. One was even a hundred years old. When a new barrel is used, the inside of the old barrel is scraped and added into the new barrel to keep the continuity of flavor. The process remains traditional and varied little throughout the centuries. We sampled freshly pressed soy sauce and found its smooth umami taste was more complex and different from the mass market soy sauce we normally purchase in the U.S. The color of the soy sauce was a richer caramel auburn, different from the usual dark black. I equate the experience similar to touring a 300 year old winery and sampling it’s fine wine made by a master winemaker. One gains an appreciation for a company like Shibanuma that is dedicated to tradition and high quality.  

As chaperones, we visited several schools that our Palo Alto students attended as they shadowed their buddies. We met with the school administrators at each school and sometimes ate lunch with them at the schools. The hot lunches are free and served on a tray with different compartments for each course, similar to a bento box. Teachers and students eat the same hot lunch which was balanced, healthy, and tasty.  The lunches come with a small milk carton and students are taught to fold the carton compactly to reduce space in the waste bin. We learned to do this as well. It was like making milk carton origami.  

Our Palo Alto students dressed like their classmates and each wore the provided school uniforms to class. One class had 2 of our students being interviewed by their classmates as an assignment. Another class had one of our students performing experiments in a physics lab. One class had our student attending a nutrition class. A few students were in another school that we did not visit, but we were told they participated in a Sports Day. Later I asked one of those students how they liked Sports Day and she said they played games she’s never played before. One of the games she described as similar to basketball except with the basket attached to someone’s back and you had to chase them to put the ball into the basket.  She described it as very funny and very fun.

The chaperones and students immersed themselves into the Japanese culture which made the trip always interesting. One thing we realized about Japanese culture is that cleanliness and hygiene are very important. When you arrive at a school, you are offered ‘indoor shoes’ which are generally slippers or shoes that have never been worn outside.  We brought our own ‘indoor shoes’. Our students all had ‘indoor shoes’ provided. In Japan, as well as many other cultures, people take off their shoes before entering a home in order to keep the space clean. Japan goes a step further by also having ‘toilet shoes’ or slippers that are worn only in the bathrooms. Sometimes our naivete of these cultural norms led to embarrassing situations. In Kyoto we and the students had a special meal called a kaiseki dinner in a beautiful traditional Japanese restaurant that had floor to ceiling windows with lovely views of the outside manicured gardens. I walked out of the womens restroom to shocked and horrified faces by the wait staff who were looking down at my feet. I immediately knew I had forgotten to take off the toilet shoes yet again! And quickly went back to remove them.

As a chaperone, I enjoyed seeing Japan through the eyes of our students. After our students met with the Mayor of Tsuchiura and City Executives, one of our students was interviewed by the media and was asked ‘What was your favorite part about Japan?’ Our student replied that they liked ‘all the vending machines!’ I thought about it for a second, and YES, I agree! On a hot day, if you need cold water or a cool refreshment, you did not need to go far. At almost every street corner, building, train station, or park, a vending machine with chilled drinks can be found. 

The 30-year history of the Tsuchiura/Palo Alto student exchange and the incredible commitment and hard work from the parents and communities of Tsuchiura and Palo Alto left me in awe. Our Palo Alto students meet not just their host families, but the entire Tsuchiura community and are treated as youth ambassadors. When the Tsuchiura students come to Palo Alto, they are also shown incredible hospitality by their Palo Alto host families and met at City Hall by the Mayor of Palo Alto and the City Council. There is a lot of hard work and committment that goes into organizing a student exchange like this and I applaud the efforts of the Tsuchiura International Association and the Neighbors Abroad Tsuchiura committee.

On our final day in Tsuchiura, Neighbors Abroad hosted a Farewell Lunch that was attended by students, parents, teachers, and city staff. The students enjoyed playing games like musical chairs. The laughter heard throughout the lunch was followed by warm hugs and goodbyes as our students sadly left to board the bus. We heard sniffles and tears as the students waved goodbye to their buddies through the windows as our bus left the parking lot and headed back to Narita Airport. 

This student exchange program casts a wide net, like a giant hug that wraps around two different communities thousands of miles apart. The program impacts so many in these communities. Why do we work so hard to bring these young people together? Because the respect of other people and cultures is our best hope for the future. We cannot let social media replace the in-person interaction necessary for our youth to gain a better understanding of others. Not every host brother/sister connection will last a lifetime, but if just one or two out of our group does, then how wonderful is that! I wish my children had participated in a student exchange program like this when they were in middle school. I would have loved to chaperone the exchange and then if a student came up to me and asked ‘Who’s parent are you?’ I would have a name. If one has an opportunity to chaperone students and participate in an exchange, do it! It is a little thing we can do in our lives that goes a long way in touching the lives of many.